


Most Ardently

by ashflower



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Angst, F/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, teenage romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26642113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashflower/pseuds/ashflower
Summary: “Why Tsuna?”There were a million and more reasons that he could give you as to why it had to be him.There was not a single one that he was willing to give you to refute why not.[Tsuna/Reader/Hayato]
Relationships: Gokudera Hayato/Reader, Gokudera Hayato/Sawada Tsunayoshi, Sawada Tsunayoshi/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	Most Ardently

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, this fic was simply named Ardently as a double entendre on the relationship between the main characters, for varying reasons. During the rewrite of this fic, I rewatched Pride and Prejudice and once again fell in love with the phrase “Most Ardently”, and though the titles still retain the same meaning, I could not get the line out of my head. Thus, the fic title was changed to add another word. 
> 
> This is a rewrite of a fic that I wrote back in 2014.

It is of the most confounded of situations when you truly sit down to think about it.

Gokudera Hayato worships Sawada Tsunayoshi’s every being and you cannot understand why. What is the former lacking that he would humble himself to hang onto every word, every action —as subtle or as obvious as they may be— that the latter would present? Hayato is much more intelligent; much more handsome; and much more enviable than the brunet. For every single demerit that Tsuna has, Hayato’s own perfection raises in the opposite direction. It is as if the Gods have purposefully placed them together in this lifetime to induce the definition of irony: if Hayato is perfection, then Tsuna is flaw.

They are polar opposites, and yet… And yet… Hayato would kiss the ground that Tsuna walks on, should the latter request it so.

“Why Tsuna?” The question slips out suddenly, in the middle of your study session.

He has taken up tutoring for some extra money, and, although you don’t really need it, your mother thought that it would be good to get some extra help with your schoolwork. Hayato’s got somewhat of a delinquent reputation, but his grades are almost always at the top of the class, and most of the local parents have sought his assistance for their own children.

He stills, then frowns at you. You’re half expecting his fury judging by his scary expression, and you smile prettily at him in the hopes to appease his anger. Coming from anyone else, he might have ripped them a new one, but he can see the innocence in your eyes. You are asking out of genuine curiosity, and he feels his fingers tapping impatiently against his leg. 

After a long pause, Hayato sighs. He meets your eyes squarely, and responds without the slightest bit of tenderness.

“He’s fucking awesome, that’s why.”

It’s vague. It doesn’t tell you anything. But this is his answer, and you shrug, then laugh, and tease him about his crush. 

“It’s kind of cute, if you weren’t so obsessed.”

Later that night, as you lie in bed waiting to fall asleep, you ponder over his response. The tight feeling inside of your chest has been growing ever more as of lately, and you mentally scold yourself for slipping up. There is love and affection, but a part that has been growing ever so cancerous as of lately—is envy towards another boy. Does Tsuna know how lucky he is to have someone so loyal to him? Does Tsuna ever appreciate it? If you could… If you could only have a sliver of that affection… How wonderful would it be.

  
A cruel part of you enjoys it whenever Tsuna messes up. You’ve lost track by now, of how many times he has done so. High school has only recently started, but his delinquency still follows him like a brand. 

Today, he has managed to set off an explosion in one of the classrooms. The entire second floor has to be evacuated—amongst your lobbying class, you hear the jests and cheers from some students. 

“Way to go, No-Good Tsuna,” they praise sarcastically. “This has got to be an all-time record. It’s what, only the first month of school?”

Some of them —more serious about school— sigh and scowl at him. Some of them ask him why he doesn’t just drop out if he’s not going to take his academics seriously, but the second that Hayato appears in sight —perhaps at the rescue of his friend— all talk of Tsuna turn into whispers.

You chance a glance back at them, noticing that they have suddenly paused in the middle of the hallway. From beyond the windows, you do a double-take. Is that a baby that you see? Parachuting through the windows? You tug at your friend’s sleeve to inquire her about it, but she doesn’t see anything by the time she turns around.

Instead, she frowns. “Look at them,” she scowls, “They’re running away. Talk about shitty.”

It’s then that you notice—she’s right. Hayato and Tsuna head off in the opposite direction of which the students are directed. 

You don’t see them for the rest of the school day. 

Yet it’s after school, after your own club attendance, when you spot him again at the lockers. He has returned to collect his things, and you walk towards him and lean against the metal doors. 

“So where’d you go, after that explosion?” 

He snaps his head towards you, startled at the way you have snuck up onto him. Then he frowns, and hastily stuffs his belongings into his bag.

“None of your business!”

“I saw you leave with Tsuna,” you state, hoping to elicit more of a reaction from him. “You know, people are still pissed off at him.”

“So let them be pissed. I’ll kill anyone who tries to go after him.”

You laugh, and nod your head. It’s not that you don’t believe him. No, you are certain that Hayato could kill a man if he really wanted to. He hasn’t of course, but that’s primarily and surprisingly because he has a decent amount of restraint. 

“Why are you still here?”

You nudge your head towards the field, where a few of your club mates are heading off. He follows your gaze, and quickly understands. 

“Shouldn’t you be heading home?” he asks, as the sun is already starting to set. 

All of a sudden, his phone rings. He fishes it out of his pocket and upon seeing the name, the scowl on his face softens. He answers it with a familiar nickname that you’ve heard him call Tsuna a few times, and you glance away when you realize who is on the other end.

“Ah, yeah, I’m heading over now.” He hangs up after a few moments, and seems to have forgotten about you entirely until you speak again.

“Heading over to Tsuna’s again?” 

He stills, looking at you with wide eyes, but nods his head. You can’t help it. The laugh that leaves your lips is bitter and insincere, but you hope that it still manages to mask how jealous you truly feel. 

“Why are you friends with him?” you ask, unable to fathom the reason.

“Because he’s the best!” Hayato says, resolutely, with a slam of his locker door. “Other people are just too stupid to see, but Tenth is incredible and the greatest! He’s the strongest person that I know, and if anyone dares to look down on him, then they’ll have to answer to me!”

There’s a fire in his eyes that lights up his entire expression. You’ve never seen Hayato this passionate except for when it concerns Tsuna, and it leaves you all-the-more-confused than ever. Just why… Why does he worship the latter so much? 

“I’ve gotta go,” he says. “So see ya.”

He doesn’t wait for you to respond. He leaves, just like that, without even a glance back or for you to reassure him that you’re truly heading home. 

You stay, frozen; abandoned, and left feeling unwanted. Your lips tremble and your hands shake by your side as you wonder why—why is it always Tsuna? Even if you are an idiot and cannot understand his greatness, you can understand Hayato’s redeemable qualities and by far, they are much greater than Tsuna’s!

So why…?

Even though you’ve waited for him to come back… 

  
Hayato disappears sometime during your second year of high school. No one hears from him throughout summer break, but when he does return from his absence, your gut tells you that it’s not so much mysterious as it is dangerous. He, and the little crew that Tsuna has formed over the years, return in a broken condition that you’re certain they hadn’t been in before the break. Bruises linger all over their bodies and even one of the other boys —Enma Kozato— has a sling around his arm. 

You’re gazing out the window, wondering about the silver-haired boy’s well-being one afternoon, when you spot them in the street before your house. He’s with the same mismatched crew that he has associated himself with over the years, but you don’t care. You promptly rush out of the house to chase after them. You’ve never personally interacted with them much, but you are aware of their surprised looks when you appear.

“Where’d you go?” you pant hard, having caught up to them.

From the corner of your eye, you spot Tsuna gesturing for the others to go on ahead. When they oblige, he turns to Hayato and tells him to stay. Then, he glances at you briefly, his eyes curious yet not prying. There’s familiarity within Tsuna’s expression, and he nods at you in greeting. One that you don’t return; you look away to avoid his gesture. You’re only here for Hayato. You don’t care about anything else. 

Hayato sighs irritably, but listens to Tsuna and stays. He folds his arms over his chest, and hisses when he presses a little too firmly. 

“Why are you hurt?” you ask, stepping forward, hoping to get a better look at his wounds, but Hayato steps back. 

He glares at you, and once again tells you that it’s none of your business. 

“Is it because of Tsuna?” you persist, too worried to even care that you’re overstepping your boundaries. 

He has always kept you at a distance, but you want to break down his walls. You are here, aren’t you? Why won’t he just let you in? He wouldn’t interact with you if he truly detested you, would he? You hate how selective he is with his interactions with you. It’s not fair at all.

“Don’t go there,” he warns, shifting his arms so that he can fish through his pants for his cigarettes and lighter. It’s not because of Tsuna — not in the way that you are thinking, like he’s compelled to do shit for the brunet through some higher power or complicated reason. It’s for Tsuna—of his own violation. 

“Why does it have to be him?”

He places a cigarette between his lips, and lights it up. Inhales deeply, then exhales a plume of smoke into the air. 

He looks tired. Much more exhausted that he has in a long, long time. As if he has gone through something treacherous and, once again, dangerous. 

“Because he saved me, that’s why.”

“So you’ll willingly get hurt for him?”

“You’re damn right I will.”

You laugh and scoff, and call him pathetic because how could he possibly know the value of another life if he doesn’t recognize his own? Then you’re wiping away your tears, and this time, you tell yourself, you’re done with him. You are. It hurts too much to see him behave this way. Why doesn’t he see that to you, he is just as precious? In the same way that he sees Tsuna as holy and magnificent? 

You don’t really see him around much, after this. Though, you are uncertain if it’s because of your own doing or because of his. Regardless of whose fault it is, it doesn’t lessen the yearning feeling inside of your chest. 

  
You tried to be friends with Tsuna, once. It was when you were in elementary school and had just moved to the neighbourhood. Your mother had encouraged you to make many friends, and at the time, you hadn’t known about No-Good Tsuna’s reputation. 

There hadn’t been any other available seats, and you were assigned the empty one beside him. During break, you had been the first to introduce yourself to him, catching him off guard. It took him a moment, but when he deduced that you hadn’t had any ulterior motives, the smile that he gave you was sincere and brighter than anyone else’s that you had ever seen before. You didn’t think he was terrible, but your bright impression of him quickly dulled.

Your attempt at being friends with him didn’t last very long. Being the new student and all, you had already had a lot of attention brought onto you, and you wanted to make a good impression. The other students had warned you about his irredeemable ways. It wasn’t like they were wrong; you soon came to witness his, at-times, frustrating personality. He was too clumsy; too reckless; too useless. You could understand why others avoided him.

Eventually, you became one of the many to avoid him as well. 

It’s unintentional. You don’t make it a habit to spy on others, but one afternoon, while heading home through the park near your house, you spot them. Standing underneath the falling foliage of autumn trees and the shadows that they cast, you find Tsuna standing with Sasagawa Kyoto. Unlike his typically withered self at school, he stands tall before her; his back straight, shoulders taut, and his face full of determination. He looks almost… reliable, if you didn’t know better.

Then he’s saying something to her, though you’re not sure what. However, you are able to garner a guess given by Kyoto’s own response. Her body goes rigid and her eyes wide, as they dart here and there in a nervous tendency. She’s unable to hold his gaze, and her hands fidget in front of her. 

She finally responds with her lips, once again silent from the distance, but whatever she says is enough to drain all colour from Tsuna’s face. She runs off, and he is too shocked to chase after her.

When he finally comes to, his eyes fall to the ground. You watch as he stands there, like a man who has lost everything, and then he mindlessly walks to the bench where he collapses onto it. The sturdy and reliable impression he had given earlier disintegrates immediately. His chest deflates; his back slumps; he runs a hand through his hair and you can hear the words that he doesn’t say— _why doesn’t she like me?_

You don’t know why you do it. Maybe it’s because you can recognize that familiar heartbreak, or maybe it’s because misery seeks company. Or, maybe, just a tiny little bit, you feel sympathetic to his feelings. In spite of everything that he is known to be, you don’t think that he deserves to have his feelings trampled over like this.

You stand before him, and quietly, ask him, “Are you okay?”

He looks up, surprised by your presence. His eyes are glossy and you don’t think you’ve ever seen a boy cry before. In fact, in all of the years that Tsuna has had to endure relentless bullying and ostracization, you don’t think you’ve ever seen him cry before. 

It… doesn’t suit him.

He doesn’t respond. Tsuna looks away. You recognize that submission; he has given into his failures and defeat. It… doesn’t suit him either.

You don’t know if your words hold any merit given the nature of your estranged relationship, but you sit beside him anyway, and offer him some words of consolation. Nothing special in nature, but you hope that it’ll be enough to make him feel better.

“It’ll get better.”

“Will it?” he whispers. 

You smile, and slouch back onto the bench, and look up at the fading sky. Uncertainty roams your being, but, you hope that your own flimsy strength can help him.

“Probably.”

  
Nothing changes much between the two of you over the course of your break, but when third year starts, you’re put into the same class. You, Hayato, and Tsuna. It seems like the duo come in a two-in-one-package, for once your interactions with Tsuna ignite, so does your own with Hayato.

Though your conversations with the former are still awkward, Tsuna never brings up your past judgement on him. He smiles warmly and endearingly at you, and there is always a comfortable air around him. He’s calm, and, at times, even teasing. 

While your relationship with Tsuna has progressed, Hayato remains the same as always: at a distance with you, though inseparable from his precious Tenth. 

He realizes it one day, during a study break during class. Something has changed about your relationship with Tsuna, and it’s not just the way that you two have started to interact more nowadays. No, it’s subtle, but for someone who has been trained to observe and protect Tsuna, Hayato can recognize it. 

He’s the first one to notice how his bosses’ eyes light up around you, and how it looks a little bit like the way he used to look at Kyoto. 

Like a parasite, once Hayato notices this, he can’t stop noticing it, and a troubling feeling builds within his chest at the realization. 

  
One day, you find yourself in Hayato’s apartment. But, it is not just you. It is Hayato and Tsuna, as well as Takeshi and the older Sasagawa. It is the first time that you have been invited to join their little group for a study session, but you quickly understand why they have collected around the brunet. 

Tsuna certainly has his flaws, but he has matured and flowered into a dignified young man, worthy of admiration in his own right. 

You’re not aware of it; you definitely aren’t, Hayato surmises. The entire night, you stay by Tsuna’s side, similar to how Hayato would always. Hayato on his right, and you, on Tsuna’s left. You lean into him a bit more than you normally would, and Tsuna teases you more than he normally would. 

When he makes a comment that borderlines on flirtatious, your steady gaze falters and you scold him for being a jerk. It’s playful and easy-going—a relationship that Hayato has never had with you. 

All of it causes his eyes to darken. But it is not because of you or because of his boss. It is because he still does not understand what it is that he feels inside of his chest, only that it has been growing ever since the beginning of the school year, and it is a nasty, disgusting kind of weight that tugs within him.

He rises, and marches off to take a smoke on the balcony. 

Much to his surprise, you follow him out a short while later. You’re silent at first, but still the one to break it a few minutes after. 

“I think I can see why you like Tsuna so much.”

“What are you talking about now?” he scowls, yet his fingers tremble, and the ash gather at the tip of his cigarette for far too long.

“I mean, why you always follow him and everything.”

It’s only natural, he thinks. Anyone would come to admire and adore Tsuna’s greatness. All they need is just to give him a chance, though, not everyone is deserving of it. (In the back of his mind, he thinks that Sasagawa Kyoto is a damned fool for not accepting Tenth’s feelings. ~~If she did, then maybe Tsuna wouldn’t be falling for you—~~ )

“He’s actually pretty cool, isn’t he?” You laugh, but it is a shy one, and an embarrassed one. He glances down at you, but even against the dim lighting of the street lamps nearby, he can see that fucking bashful gaze return to your face and—

“Of course,” he says, quickly bringing his cigarette back to his lips. He inhales deeply, and the smoke fills his lungs. 

He has known a long time ago just how wonderful Tsuna is. He doesn’t need you to tell him.

“So…” you mutter, after a moment. “Why Tsuna?”

You have your reasons, but what are Hayato’s reasons? Why has he come to appreciate and admire Tsuna? Honestly… 

His breath hitches. When he looks at you, he finally notices the proximity between the two of you. You’re so close. He can see the specks of colour within your eyes; the length of your eyelashes; the strands of your eyebrows; and even your lips that looks so plump and delicious right now, begging to be kissed.

You’re silent. Waiting. But for what? 

He’s close. He’s so close that he can touch you with his own lips. It would be easy to do so; just close the distance and you’re his. 

But before he can move further, your question resounds inside of his head. The image of the subject pops into his mind, and he can’t help but remember the sincere way his Tenth has started to look at you—full of adoration and affection, and utmost sincerity.

He recoils immediately, and takes the last drags of his cigarette before he crushes the remainder against the railing. 

“I’ve told you before,” he says, turning his back at you, ready to head back inside, “Even if it’s you, don’t you dare look down on Tsuna.”

You crack a smile and watch as he returns to his apartment. Neither of you comment on the fact that this time, it’s not really an answer.

  
It is after high school that he asks you out on a date. In a way that’s uncharacteristically him — all nerves and blushes on his cheeks. He looks like a bashful, inexperienced school boy instead of a young man. 

“Come again?”

His gaze shifts, and Hayato actually scuffs the tip of his shoe against your porch. He repeats his question, but it’s too quiet to hear.

You’ve heard, of course. You’re just too shocked to comprehend it, and when you ask him to repeat it once more, he looks up at you with a glare.

That’s his mistake. Your eyes glossy — ~~in happiness, he hopes~~ —, and your lips parted in shock. You had answered the door still in your pyjamas, but your clothes had still been on properly at least. Now, one of your sleeves has fallen off your shoulder, revealing your bare collarbone.

He can’t help it, as his mind wanders. Are you not wearing a bra underneath? You actually answered your door like this? 

He has been there, has had sex with other people before — if only to satiate his own curiosity, so he understands the feelings of lust very well. But it’s not that with you. It is and it isn’t; he definitely does feel like a hormonal school boy in front of you, especially in this state of (un)dress. But there is something more to it; something like a state of human emotion that he’s not entirely sure that he wants to believe in.

He moves without thinking, as he pulls your sleeve up your shoulder. “Have some decency, will you?”

You swat his hand away. “Are you serious?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t,” he scowls.

It’s silent between the both of you.

Then, you laugh softly. Still in disbelief, but your response is much more enthusiastic than before. It’s enough to make Hayato’s ego swell tenfold, and he grins lopsidedly at you in response. As he divulges you the information of the date, your entire being radiates so beautifully that he purposefully ignores the voice in the back of his mind, wondering if you would still be this happy if you knew what he wasn’t tell you.

It should be him. _It should be him_ , that nasty voice in the back of his mind repeats. The person standing before you, going on a date with you—should be Hayato. 

But it isn’t. 

Instead, it is Tsuna who stands before you. His glorious Tenth who has bought you flowers and smiles at you with the utmost charm. There’s a blush on his cheeks, but his confidence is at an all-time high and even Hayato would be uncertain if he could mimic that same dignity in front of you. Not that Hayato is insecure, but how could a cynical person like him so boldly declare that _he would love you better than anyone else could, if you gave him the chance?_

It’s a promise that Tsuna makes, but it’s not a chance that he gets. 

Your eyes widen and your eyes water with shock and tears and your lips are moving, but Hayato can’t hear what you’re saying. He only knows that it is enough to make the smile fall from Tsuna’s face, and it’s not just heartbreak in your expression, but also on his Tenth’s.

You run off, and Tsuna only chases after a few steps before his steps falter. The bouquet in his hand falls to his side, and he stays rooted to the spot where you have left him. 

The nasty voice returns to Hayato’s mind, and he wonders would you react the same way, if it had been him? Part of him knows that you wouldn’t, and this is the same voice that rejoices in the fact. 

Unfortunately, he realizes that the chance that has eluded Tsuna no longer exists for himself either. 

Later that night, when he returns to his apartment complex, he finds you loitering in the courtyard, pacing back and forth. He spots you first, and just before that pang catches in his heart and beats at his chest incessantly, you notice him. Your eyes are red and swollen and before he can say a word of greeting to you, you are already marching towards him, shouting so loudly that even the guard at the entrance shoots you a stern look.

“Why did you do that?!”

“Because Tsuna wanted to date you.”

“And you would do anything for Tsuna?”

“You’re damn right I will!”

You laugh and cry and Hayato can only avert his gaze, unable to stand straight in the face of your misery. He feels like shit, even though he knows that his words are true. 

Suddenly, you close the distance between the both of you. You tug against the front of his shirt, and even though you are looking at the ground, he can see the trembling of your shoulders. 

You’re angry with him, he realizes. He expected tears and betrayal but not anger, and suddenly, he wonders if maybe… If maybe he had gone too far.

“Why Tsuna?” you sob.

His reply comes so fast that it startles him, but like the entirety of your conversation this evening, it is nothing but the truth. 

“Because I’m not him.”

You recoil.

Your sobs stop, and you realize that it’s not you. No, the fault is with Hayato. Hayato who is too blind to see that he deserves just as much happiness as he is willing to give his Tenth. Hayato who is too much of a coward to chase after his desires, when he’s willing to be brave in the face of everything else.

“So that makes it okay for you to dictate my feelings?”

His eyes widen as you say the words so clearly for him to understand: you didn’t want Tsuna. You wanted him.

The moment slips out of his grasp before he can even try, and you are already taking a step back, re-creating the distance between the two of you that was originally created by him. 

This time, you don’t wait for his response. 

“Yeah, okay. Have a nice fucking life then, Gokudera.”

When you walk away, he knows that he has no right to stop you. 

Because he’s not Tsuna. He will never be Tsuna, and he will never be able to love you as dedicatedly as Tsuna can.

  
Tsuna is already at your house when you return. Looking still as dapper and as charming as he had previously. You know that it’s in your right to blame him for trapping you the way he did, but Tsuna doesn’t deflect from his actions. He owns up to his scheming even without your prompting.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have asked Gokudera to do that.”

“It’s fine.”

“—But I can’t say that I wouldn’t do it again.”

It’s… different than you had expected. 

You can tell that he’s being sincere in his affections, but you can’t respond the same way. Not when your heart is still in pieces. 

“I’m sorry, too,” you mutter, “…But I like Hayato.”

He doesn’t look surprised; it’s as if he has been expecting this sort of response. Yet it still doesn’t hide the glimpse of hurt within his earnest eyes.

“I know.” He says. “Even if it was selfish, I still wanted to try. I’m sorry for manipulating you, and I can understand why you like Gokudera. He just… needs time, I think.”

“Did Kyoko need time, too?”

His eyes widen—

“Kyoko… never liked me.”

He says it so easily, as if he has conceded and accepted the cold, hard truth. Yet you can still hear the heartbreak in his tone, and it makes you want to cry again. You feel guilty and apologetic for opening his wounds. 

“…Gokudera is too afraid to like me.”

Instead of being spiteful, Tsuna doesn’t take revenge for your earlier stab. He offers you a wary smile, and sits on the front step of your house.

“It’ll get better,” he says.

The words are familiar. Cliche, but familiar, and you find yourself laughing as you sit at the empty spot beside him. 

“Will it?” you ask.

“It will,” he says, assuredly.

For the night, as you sit on your front porch crying your eyes out, Tsuna offers you his resilient shoulder to lean upon. And when tomorrow comes, you are left hopeful with the feeling that perhaps, yes, things will get better.

And if either of you are aware of the silver-haired figure that keeps watch at the street lamp by the corner of your house, then neither of you say anything.

It starts out slowly but gradually and sincerely. What first started out as insincerity has become sincere, and you are unsure of how it comes to be.

It first starts off with him talking about Kyoko and how she was his world, and how he was in love with her ever since he was a young boy. He dreamt of confessing to her and having his feelings reciprocated, and even daydreamed about having a future together with her. In turn, you tell him about Hayato, though your daydreams are more idealistic enchantment and fascination—a wonder of a boy you thought you knew, but in the end, had never really known at all. 

It is such a stark contrast in the reasons why you like the people that you do, but Tsuna doesn’t judge, and neither do you. 

But one night —and you’re uncertain of when this particular night comes to be, except that it must be months after your routine pity parties has turned exhaustive and suddenly, there are no more stories to be shared about your would-be lovers— Tsuna stops talking about her. No, he asks about you, and everything about you. It continues on and on even after you have spent many days and nights together, and the stories shared between the two of you never cease because it can only be created with every day that you spend with each other. These are memories that will exist for only the both of you, and it leaves you eager to create more in the future.

He’s shy at first, still reminiscent to that clumsy school boy that you had always known growing up. But time has done him well, and he no longer is that clumsy school boy, but a dependable young man who leads a family beneath him. 

The only difference is, when he’s with you, there is no pretence of power and perfection. No, Tsuna is only affectionate and endearing in front of you—a face that you know that is only for you.

So the fact that he’s a bit slow when it comes to romance and “when to make the first move” doesn’t really surprise you. You don’t blame him. In fact, it feels even sweeter that he treats you so preciously and wonderfully, as if you are the most extraordinary person on earth. With him, you are certain that this is how he feels about you.

It takes him over a year and a half when he finally kisses you for the first time. He’s awkward at best, clumsy and inexperienced, and incredibly self-conscious of himself, but you smile against his lips. When you ease into his arms and laugh in bliss against his lips, he wonders why he hasn’t done this sooner.

He doesn’t smell like smoke or ash. His fingers aren’t rough and callused, tangled in your hair. Tsuna smells like fresh laundry and his hands are soft and gentle at the nape of your neck, and leaves goosebumps against your skin. 

The first time that you lay bare before him, it is you who pulls him down roughly onto of you. It startles him at first, but in a good way, and there is no hesitance nor confusion this time. You are both confident in your actions, and understand fully in what this means and where it will lead to. Neither of you mind, of course; it is okay. In fact, it is better than okay. 

Both of your hearts dictate so.

And, Tsuna can’t help but think that he can do this for the rest of his life—love you and all.

“Why Tsuna?”

It’s Gokudera who asks you this question, years after the last time you had heard the same words. 

Yet when he sees you, fully takes in the way you look so lovely and beautiful in that white dress, looking so effortlessly wonderful, he wonders if there’s really such a need to wonder why.

You smile in the reflect against the mirror, noticing the stunned expression on his face that once upon a time, would have stirred your heart, but now, leaves you feeling nothing. It’s easy in the way that you pull your gaze away from him to inspect your hair and makeup for any imperfections.

It’s even easier when you finally respond to him, words nonchalant, and matter-of-factly. As if there’s no reason necessary at all. 

“Why not Tsuna?”

He catches onto the double-meaning behind your words. It’s challenging him to list all of the reasons why it shouldn’t be the brunet, when the both of you know that he won’t give you it. He hasn’t before, and he certainly won’t do it now. 

Yet, perhaps, his answer does not matter, in the end. The person who is waiting for you at the end of the altar is not him; it is another man, one who has promised you the entirety of his life and more. And, this man is the one whom you have chosen; this man is the person whom you are wearing that white dress for, and who has collected the shattered pieces of your heart to his side, and recreated it anew.

And, as he watches the both of you exchange vows so full of love and honesty, promising the highest level of devotion and sincerity, Gokudera can only think to himself, “Why not, indeed.”

He knows now that he has made you fall in love with someone else.

**[fin.]**


End file.
